In any relationship, naturally open communication is vital, and if it were used more often, in the correct spirit of good cooperation, we probably would not be in the position that we now find ourselves. However, I am concerned that we may be opening ourselves to a problematic issue if we attempt to discuss everything too soon. What does this mean? and what can you do about it?

Essentially, when you are on your date with your ex, it is best to make a point of discussing mutually fun things and topics that are neutral. In the event that a topic relating to the reason of your breakup comes up, it is best managed by suggesting tat you understand these are important issues, but you would prefer to talk about them on another occassion. Of course, you both know that the topic will need to be canvassed, but at the same time, you may as well be as neutral as possible.

Essentially, it is about being as sensitive as possible, recognising that you need to manage these points of discussion, but if you’re having a good time, why spoil it?

After all, you have put a lot of effort into organising this date, and others like it. You may well have been very patient, and taken a number of months to reach this point. On that basis alone, it would be stupid and foolhardy to attempt to cram too much in too soon.

I really know the feelings of intensity that can be flowing through you. However, please be patient. It will pay off, as you rebuild your relationship.

Naturally, after dealing with a breakup, it can be quite traumatic, particularly if you have been together for a while, or were not even fully expecting the breakup to occur. So logically, your next questions might be along the lines of what you can do?

There is no one right or wrong answer here, but I suggest that you take some quiet time to just really sit, be still, and write out all your feelings. This can be a case of just starting, and let your mind wonder. Some people can literally write for hours and can find it it to be quite cathartic. It really does make a difference to your end result.

You may choose to write everything out as a letter (which you will not post, but rather burn afterwards). It is the fact or act of writing the letter and getting all your emotions out in writing that is the issue here. This is what you are aiming to do- to clear your mind and head so it is out. This way, you will be better able to get over, or reflect clearly on where you stand long term. However, the Letter Writing Technique is one that works quite well for many people.

Other Options to Clear Your Head and Feel better

Other options to feel better and help you cope better can include something as simple as a new look. May I suggest you do not do anything permanent like surgery here. I am just referring to something like a new hairstyle, a massage session, something like that. Just getting out there, looking your best, and if you must, believe it or not, faking it till you make it will work wonders. It is all about perception. and they way others see you, as well as you looking at yourself from the outside. If you have any doubt, then I suggest you try it for yourself to see the difference it will make. You can turn this breakup experience into something that will work for you. Treat it as a forced update of yourself.

When You are suffering pain in the case of a relationship breakup, it is often in the area of the heart that we feel this pain. Equally, for many people, the need to overcome the pain in a hurry is paramount. I am certain you more than likely know about the importance of getting over your hurts for your own good, as much as that of those around you.

However, it is often easier said than done, and in this way, I am hoping to help you with an exercise that has had some success. It’s an exercise that can be done when ever you are starting to feel a little overwhelmed with the pain and that is done as follows:

Close your eyes, and think, or even better still, feel where you are feeling this pain.

Is it in the pit of your stomach?

Is it a nauseous feeling that is overcoming you?

Are you perhaps feeling more vulnerable around the chest, like tightening feeling?

Understanding this can better help you cope with the feelings, and then, help you to deal with eliminating the feeling. This is similar to an exercise on forgiveness, that I learned from a book by Norman Vincent Peal.

What I am getting at here is that in order to feel better sooner rather than later, ask yourself if you can let this feeling go. Mentally, visualize the feeling melting away, and flying off in the wind. I know it is easier to say than do, but with a little proactive, it will get much easier. You can practice this process as often as you need over the course of the day. You will feel better, in some cases, within minutes, and in others, it may take a day or two of practice.

You will have a life that keeps on going after your breakup. It may even be temporary, depending on the outcome from the next month or two.

Give yourself some time to heal. Within the first month, you need to look after yourself. You will be in a much better position to help yourself, and others when you are in a better head space.

I think that for anyone with a relationship concern, it is important to ask the question of ourselves…

What Could I Do Better?Where may I have gone wrong?

Please understand this is not about you torturing yourself or anything like that. It is more about taking the time to just be, and think clearly. When a breakup is fresh, the worst thing you can do is appear needy and effectively stalk your ex. That is really not a good look, and importantly too, just after a break up, when things are quite raw, you and your ex partner need time to just be, reflect, and get their head space in order.

I know that our immediate reactions might be to do something drastic, like declaring our undying love to our ex partner, but believe me, when a person is upset, angry, and annoyed, constant irritations are not the way to go. I’ve been there and it’s a bad move.

The best thing to do is to just move ahead by bettering yourself. You may need to take more time at work, or start a new hobby. The options are endless. However, take the time to better yourself in any way you can, as this will also take your mind off other things.

Is it easy?

Not at first.

Is it worthwhile?

Absolutely!

I think you are getting my point at this juncture. By developing other areas of interest, you will better align yourself to be more attractive to your ex partner, or even someone new. Think about what really happened? Be honest with yourself too.

I know this may alls eem very easy to say, but it’s more about doing what you need to get your self respect and position in place. There is nothing jmore unattractive than a needy person who is effectively stalking an ex partnre. It may look funny in the movies. In real life it isn’t.

Being a person heavily into personal development, I have found that convincing myself, and proving that I can do things helps me greatly. It can help you too. An example is the I Can Attitude.  A version of this concept is also discussed in the eBook by Travis Sago on Healing Relationships.

Take the time to better yourself, and take your mind of your ex. I again recognise it is easy to say, but assure you that the effort is absolutely worth while. Give yourself time to grieve, and get better through healing. You may get back with your ex, or you may not. However, you need to heal yourself first. It is critically important. Give yourself the time to heal.

I know that for many people, going through a difficult life changing relationship breakup can be traumatic, to say the least. What can we do about this, if anything at all?  The good news is that there is a great deal we can do when we are in a difficult time within ourselves. I have found that if the following has happened, consider the options below:

Possible Difficult Events in Our Lives To Deal With

• Breakup of Relationship
• Partner has walked out
• Partner has threatened to walk out
• Tension in relationship and other relationship issues

Some possible ways to deal with the situation

• If your partner is still there, but it’s looking shaky, take the time to really ask them what they would like. Be giving, but not in any desperate way. Desperation just creates repulsion, and does not work at all.

If they have already left, listen to what they have said, and give them time to cool down,. I know it is easy to say all of this, but it is important to listen to all the situational signals as well. When you are very vulnerable, you are prone to making even bigger mistakes, and this is best not done. Believe me, it is too risky.

This is where I suggest you take some time to yourself and really work on yourself. Stay with me here. I know what I am suggesting as I have been there in various ways before, and it is really important to ensure that you can be better at being yourself.

I think that it is imperative to ensure that you are always keeping busy.

I also think and genuinely believe that now is a great time to ensure that you are also taking good care of yourself. This is in the form of exercise, assurance in your appearance, and so on,. Looking after yourself will help you to feel much better as well as also much more in control. I know that some people may think it is just vain, However, it is very important to ensure you are looking after yourself in all ways, to help your confidence and self esteem. However, what about your partner?  Yes. I understand. However, as easy as I know it is for me to say this, you really do need to also be looking after yourself as well. After all, you are more attractive outwardly when you are happier with confidence inwardly.

To he;p along with this, make a decision. Activate yourself with empowerment.

Make a Decision. Be proactive in looking after yourself first.

Put good out there in the universe. You will be rewarded. I know this sounds really easy, and I certainly can assure you that on the other hand, it does take effort. However, that is a very worth while effort I assure you.

Expect Increase In Your Life.

Expect Good things to come from this.



I know it is easy to say, but you are a person you need to love first of all. If you do not love yourself, how can anyone else love you as well? It’s food for thought…