If you have been separated from your ex for a number of weeks, in the order of six or so, and you have had a light conversation on the phone to get together for a lunch time coffe, you need to ensure that you keep everything light and simple.

I say this as your initial contact still needs to be such that you are very casual and non challant. Remember that if you are still very deeply in love, and appearing in any way desperate, you are going to be disappointed. It is important to just be very casual and relaxed. May i suggest you actually set a time limit, in the sense that you set up another meeting, with an office colleague, or anything, just to ensure you do not spend longer than an alloted time there. The reason for this is to ensure there is a brief meeting to get a little reconnected, but not in any way bogged down in some deep conversation, That is the point I wish to make here.

Also, remember to keep things very light and if you do recount any issues from the past, make sure they are happy memories that you can both laugh about.

Again, I recommend you also relax earlier, and also remember you can do all you set out to do. However, be relaxed, and not in any way desperate. You need to know you can relax, regardless of the outcome. At this stage, you will be able to be more graceful, and easy to speak to, and get along with.

You may even come over as a surprise to you ex partner in that they see a new and relaxed version of you- a nice improvement.

…

If you are in a situation where you have recently broken up with your ex partner, you may not really be totally over it yet. If it is only a few weeks, this is natural that your feelings may still be raw, but it is still important to ensure that you are getting out there, socializing and meeting people. I totally understand that you may not be at all interested in a new relationship right now. That is absolutely OK and normal, but you know what, it is important to get out there and still socialize. In fact, it is essential. The reason for this is to boost your own confidence, and you are still allowed to have a good time with new or other friends. Remember, I am suggesting you go out with someone for a meal, or a concert, and so on. I am not suggesting you sign a new marriage document, or at least, not right now! Seriously, you are just going out to meet new people, and get out of the house.

Naturally, you are not going to tell them all about your previous relationship breakup. That is just bad form and really tacky. It also does not work too well to do that. Just concentrate on listening to the other person, and let them tell you about themselves.

May I suggest, even though it is obvious to me, that you should not enter into any sexual situation just yet. This is not from a moral point of view, but rather from the point of view that you do not need any further complications at this point, It is not worth the grief and heartache. Just go out and enjoy someone else’s company and have a good time. This is what I am talking about when I mention getting over you relationship with your ex partner.

You may well be asking how you can meet other people?  These days, you have a lot of options, you may have friends that were not mutual, and who will be able to help you. As a side note, whilst I would not recommend rubbing this in your ex partner’s face in any way, may I suggest that you do not worry of they find out. There is nothing ore interesting than knowing that you are getting back on your feet to move on. It can actually make you more attractive, believe it or not.

There are also online dating sites, and a relatively new concept called Speed dating. This is where you meet several people all in one night, and only spend about three minutes with each person. Then, each partner ‘scores’ the other and where there are ‘matches’ you are then given their respective details to contact each other.

There really are a number of options available to you.

You will find that you can do a great deal to get out and meeting new people.

Do not treat this as a new love search, but rather just recognize that you can get out there and meet new people. This will help you, and you can also make new friends out of the exercise as well.

In the case of relationship problems or breakup, it may well be very natural to actually collapse in front of the TV, and pend days there, eating the most unhealthy food from take away places imaginable. Now, if you do this for one night, now and again, no big deal. Fast food in very leveled moderation is fine. My point, however is to ensure you do not allow yourself to enter a very unhealthy pattern, where you simply damage your body, and end up feeling even worse. You may feel OK as you are scoffing the burger and chips down, but it really is not the way to go on a long term basis.

You really do need to put effort into this, and remember, it will not only help to solve this problem, but help you in so many other ways as well. We are going to be talking about

• diet,
• exercise,
• time out and recreation
• General personal development.

You yourself, won’t know yourself after this, and this is where it’s so worthwhile!

You can do all you set your mind to. That is a fact.

In relation to diet, it is important to ensure that you are eating healthy and nutritious meals. Why? Well, let’s look at some facts.

DIET

• You will feel healthier and look better
• You will in turn, be more likely to feel like being active, which will generate more endorphins, and keep you healthy.
• Your health being kept up gives you more energy.
• The kinds of food to eat include  a balanced diet of legumes, vegetables, nuts, cereals and so on. Keep the fast foods out of the equation. I realise how easy and tempting it can be, and if you insist, at least go for the fresh salads, and breads rather than greasy burgers and so on.

EXERCISE

This need not be a dirty word. I am not suggesting you practice for the olympics. Just a regular exercise like going for a thirty minute walk each day. It gives me energy, and time to think. I am talking about a brisk walk, where I am exercising the muscles, brain and heart. I talk about the brain, as this is my clear thinking time as well.

Time Out and Recreation

You can still enjoy life, be it alone, or with friends. If you want to see a movie, alone or with friends, or go out to dinner. There are plenty of alternatives. The idea here is to ensure that you are practicing a healthy life style. This is imperative.

Some further reading can include I Can as well as subconscious programming.

In any relationship, where there is a breakup, or breakdown, once the dust has settled, you need to really ask yourself what happened? I know that this can seem terribly painful, but let’s face it, if you do not take the time to really understand what happened, how are you going to correct the problem? Too many people spend time going around in circles, and not getting to the bottom of things. That is what we want to help to solve here. Get started, and look at some of the ideas below. I do not mean to come over as harsh, but rather as a person to motivate your real assessment of the situation.

Really look at what it was that caused the breakup. Sometimes, people say things like it didn’t work out. Let’s be brutally honest here- that is telling you absolutely nothing, and is just hiding from the truth. The more honest you can be with yourself, the more likely you are to really solve the problems.

This particular issue, whilst painful, can be the light at the end of the tunnel, that brings about a greater clarity to help you make the decision you need to help you move on.

In some cases, after cooling off, really thinking, and clarifying,you may well wish to resume your past relationship. If you see that it really was not a match, it can act as a point of clarity in knowing what you are looking for in a partner. To be effective, we need to be very clear on the best course of action to take to make the best decision.

This is where cool thinking and time to reflect does really help. I am not suggesting it is easy, but a necessary process on the path to healing.

This is explained in far greater detail in the book The Magic of Making Up. Some people do make up, and get on very well. It does however, take an initial heartfelt look at what really happened. Honesty here is the best policy.

Resources for Assistance

I understand that all relationships require work, and sometimes, it still seems so hard.

I have found that working on myself can, and has made a big difference for me, and for this reason, I am so passionate about the Success Strategies Daily Routine as well.

You have to regularly ensure you are feeding your mind positive and well structured thoughts so as to ensure you are ‘mentally alert, and at your best.

I highly recommend the Self Help Data base with the latest books for self improvement as well.

You will be very happy with the results, and having a focused, and well ‘lubricated’ mind will help you deal with any other problem in life, very much more effectively as well.