Communication in relationships is a vital element of relationship success.

We all can, from time to time, lower our communication, either by becoming more used to a person, and thinking we don’t need to talk, or just that we can understand each other better.

 This works for some of the time, but often, if you are reading this, your relationship may be already in a little trouble.

The good news is that with effort, time, and a deep desire to work things out, you have a chance.  It is about trully understanding your problem, relating to communication.

Communication is about really listening, and understanding what your partner is saying.

It can be very difficult at first, but sometimes giving in to a point or two, listening as best as you can, and accepting that by being as gracious as possible, with a bit of discipline to not react thrown in, can make a difference, in as much as enough anger can be averted while you wait for things to calm down.

Yes, that was a mouth full, I am reffering to the possibility of listening , and I’ll say again, listening, and considering the views of your partner, and seeing if you can listen, and act on them at all.

If something hurtful is said to you, can you try and not react for a day or two?

I say this, as sometimes, you are just being tested to see what your reaction is, or will be.

Another point to consider is the way you talk, and the way it is HEARD…

Communication ReVisited.

The message you send is not necessarily the one the other person will receive and respond to. There are two ways we can guard against this sort of distortion. If you are sending a message:

• be aware of what you want to say. Especially be aware of what you are feeling about your partner or the situation.
• use “I” statements. That is, say what you want or feel, rather than make a statement about your partner. That way, your partner is more likely to listen to you without feeling attacked.

For example try saying “I’m disappointed that you don’t want to come to the cinema with me tonight” instead of “Why don’t you want to come to the cinema tonight?”

Then, if you really want to know why, you can ask after you have made the “I” statement. If you feel any doubt or disagreement, or you find yourself reacting strongly to something your partner has said, first check that you have heard the message accurately. “You mean …” This is called ‘active listening’.

It is a greast idea to study more on this subject from the eBook on Relationship by Dr Griggs.